The day I realised I wasn't living!
This year has been funny somehow for me, I actually believed that maybe I might be going through some sort of “mid-life crisis”.
The other morning I experienced something unusual, I woke to the sound of my children chatting and laughing. It was early around 5.45 am, it was still dark but the room was dimly lit with the light from the rising sun. My youngest had woken and tip toed into her big brothers room, I heard her whisper his name softly before his loving whispered response “jump in”. They then proceeded to whisper and giggle. As I lay in bed I could only make out a few words here and there, mostly they were things that I would normally reprimand them on like “bumface” but at that particular moment instead of my normal frustration their words brought me a feeling of love and peace.
I laid in the darkness not making a peep but merely just listening, absorbing their laughter like air and it filled me, it filled me to the brim with happiness and a feeling of content. How and why would I want to spoil a moment that was full of such happiness?
A fun, happy, loving, friendly moment that a brother & sister were sharing as friends & companions, a moment that would turn into a lifelong memory.
As my room lightened more and I glanced at the clock to realise that although I was enjoying listening to them father time was creeping up to steal it from me. It was time to rise and get the little munchkins prepared for school.
After a morning of hustle & bustle, breakfast, finding socks and undies, making lunches, It was time to roll out to school. The morning had gone smoothly we were running on time and everyone was cheerful.
As we traveled to school the kids got excited as the “Special road” got closer, “the special road” they traveled daily, “the special road” lined with farms. They proceeded to wind down the window as we turned the corner and prepared for our morning ritual.
This ritual was something we had started last year. I had suggested it after a rough morning, with a car full of moody kids and one extremely cranky mother, I thought the power of positive thinking was worth a shot. I didn’t want to continue my day that way and I sure didn’t want my kids dealing with that feeling at the start of their school day so I suggested yelling a positive thought out the window. The kids looked at me like I was batshit crazy and nervously declined, so I took it upon myself and yelled with all my might “I’M GOING TO HAVE A GREAT DAY!” I instantly felt better, I felt all that negative feelings, anger, frustration hurl out the window with those words. Instantly the kids burst into laughter, they laughed so hard they almost pee’d their pants. With a swift look at one another they couldn’t get the windows down fast enough before blurting out in continuity “I’M GOING TO HAVE A GREAT DAY!” they yelled hard then laughed before yelling out again. Instantly the past morning had gone, it was behind us and we had created a new path to follow for the day.
After releasing our tensions we proceeded to the intersection, while waiting for a break in the traffic I paused for a moment. Taking a deep breath my eyes lifted to the mountains in the distance, the sky was gorgeous blue and filled with white fluffy clouds. The shadows of the clouds danced across the green mountains like waves in the ocean.......”WOW” I proclaimed as I brought the kids attentions to what I was seeing and they awed in amazement and glory.
We arrived at school and said our goodbyes, I watched in a mixed emotions of profoundness and sadness as my children walked through the school gate. They looked back at me smiling from ear to ear, waving with all their might and then proudly & confidently marched inside. My babies are growing up. They have grown so quickly because if I close my eyes I can still remember, feel and see myself nursing them. So innocent and helpless and in a blink of an eye they have grown, Not fully grown but growing, finding themselves, who they want to be. After I snap myself out of it, I proceeded the drive home.
I had a busy day planned and was excited to get started but this morning I didn’t feel rushed, I didn’t feel pressured or the lingering anxiety of not being able to keep up. Today it was different, on the drive home I noticed lots of things that I didn’t normally notice like a windmill in a farm that I had never noticed before, it was rusted so it had always been there, why had I not noticed it before? I noticed the litter, so much rubbish lined the sides of the road, even the nature strips that had been mowed had pieces of litter that had been eaten and spat out by the mowers.
Once I arrived home and sat down to quick cuppa before I started my day, I thought about my morning and how open my mind had been when I woke up, the emotions, peace and wonder it had brought me.
The day rolled on and the night passed and this morning I arose early to practice a meditation. This is nothing unusual for me I try to do this every morning and my family also meditate however I have been looking for something during my meditations for months and up until now I must have not been ready for the answer. But this morning it happened…….”I need to take two”.
“Take two for you” kept coming up, and it clicked. When I came back to reality I realised what it meant and what I had to do.
Breathe and just notice life! Notice the world, your beautiful family, the clouds, the trees, and the birds, close your eyes and listen.
LISTEN to the sounds of the wind, the ocean, the trees, birds, your kids
FEEL, grass or sand beneath your toes, the stillness before the storm
SMELL, breathe in and smell the air, the rain, the grass….. And the roses!
That old term “stop and smell the roses”, its real and we need to listen to it before we discover we haven’t lived at all.
Living isn’t chores, work, it isn’t even sport, bush walking etc it is the other bits that go with it.
It’s when you play with the kids really play, pretend, laugh, and giggle. Get up off the chair, put the camera down and be part of it.
When you go bushwalking, take moments to stop, look up admire the trees, the wildlife, sit down close your eyes and listen to the quite that is not so silent at all.
When you are playing sport take a breather, look inside take notice of how your body feels, the adrenaline, the happiness.
Stop thinking about what needs to be done and be there for the moment, and enjoy it. Don’t go looking for things just pause and be present and your mind, eyes, ears will open and these marvelous glories will be inescapable .
So every day since I have done “Take two for you” two minutes, two gratitude’s has slowly grown every week and with that has grown my love for life!
What YOU can is enough
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